Are Your Out of Control Emotions Killing Your Relationships?

If you struggle with your emotions, or the emotions of other people, you are not alone. In fact, nearly 2/3 of people are not able to understand the emotions they are feeling and react appropriately. Often when this happens, we feel out of control or that our emotions are in charge of us, rather than the other way around. Our relationships suffer because we can’t identify what we feel or how to deal with situations that come up rationally.

Part of the problem with emotion management is simply the way our brains manage our emotions. Emotional signals move through our brains in a way that takes time to reach the logical, rational frontal lobe. This means we often engage emotions before we have had time to think rationally, and, the more intense the emotion, the harder it is to manage.

Another challenge is that many of us handle our emotions in the same way our families taught us – and for many of us, that wasn’t a healthy or effective model. However, we are able to re-learn or un-learn old ways of managing emotion, and in making this focused effort, we can increase our emotional intelligence or emotional quotient (EQ). EQ is like IQ, in that it can gauge our intelligence in a particular area, but unlike IQ, which you are born with, EQ can be changed and developed.

The 5 Core Feelings

When we begin to work on our emotional intelligence, we start by identifying the 5 core feelings that are the building blocks of all emotions, and which can vary in intensity to create other emotions.

Happiness. Pleasant or mellow, overjoyed or elated, happiness is a feeling of pleasure or satisfaction.

Sad. Moody, dejected, agonized or dissatisfied, sad is an emotion that captures a feeling of lowliness.

Angry. Some words to describe this emotion are touchy, resistant, outraged, or furious.

Fear. Timid, anxiety, terrified or petrified are words that describe the emotion of fear.

Shame. Shame can feel like simply silliness to discomfort worthlessness and disgrace.

The 4 Primary Emotional Intelligence Skills

Once we begin to understand our emotions, we can work on developing our EQ so we can better manage our emotions, rather than allowing them to control us. There are 4 primary EQ skills: Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, and Relationship Management.

Self-Awareness. This is your ability to recognize your own tendencies in different circumstances as well as understand your emotions.

Self-Management. This is your ability to use your awareness to better manage your responses or reactions to different situations.

Social Awareness. Social awareness is the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of others.

Relationship Management. Relationship management is the ability of combining the other emotional intelligence skills to grow stronger relationships with more ease.

By spending time developing your understanding of your emotions, and building your emotional intelligence of skills, you can help to have stronger and healthier relationships. If I can help you to increase your emotional intelligence and improve your relationships, contact me.

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