Sex and sexuality. Even the words can cause many in our Western society to immediately tense up. We have been taught to consider the mere mention of the subject taboo and a simple conversation of the subject in poor taste. Yet why? Sexuality starts when life starts. It is an innate part of the human condition, a part of every...[ read more ]
In my last blog we looked at the difference between sex and sexuality. Today, I wanted to share more about the varying views of sexuality in our culture. For people raised in Western culture, sexuality begins and thrives with fear, then becomes enhanced by misinformation, shame and embarrassment. There is also significant misunderstanding, enhanced by lack of accurate education about...[ read more ]
In my last blog I introduced the idea of the American view of sex. In this blog, I will expand further on the ramifications of such beliefs and its counter, the sex positive movement. Much of Western society’s beliefs about sexuality are based on fear: • fear of pregnancy • fear of sexually transmitted infections • fear of loss of...[ read more ]
If you have done any therapy or self-help, you have likely learned that many of us are taught patterns of behavior during our young years that stop being helpful in our adulthoods. This becomes most clear when we are in relationships- whether romantic or non. Relationships are were we come face-to-face with our bad habits and patterns, and when this...[ read more ]
In couple’s therapy, one of the most common problems is with communication. When we work on this skill, rather than simply repeating the same old, ineffective patterns we were taught while growing up, we can have better relationships. RDS, or Revolving Discussion Sequence, is one technique used to improve communication. While each step itself sounds simple, they each carry an...[ read more ]
Often when people first come to see me they are frustrated with their sex life. They wonder what happened to the exciting sex life they used to have with their partner, or they feel like they are missing something, leading to guilt, embarrassment, fear and shame. They ask how they got to this point in their life and/or relationship. Believing...[ read more ]
As humans we have many emotions; some of which feel good and others that don’t feel so good and are challenging to learn how to manage. The big four negative emotions are fear, shame, embarrassment and guilt. These are not emotions we want to eliminate, as they all serve a purpose, however we do need to know how to manage...[ read more ]
Many of the clients I see come to me with shame because of their sexual desires. They may have come to the end of their rope emotionally, wondering what is wrong with them and how they can overcome it. Unlike fear which is a primal survival mechanism, shame is a learned emotion. We likely experienced shame for the first time...[ read more ]
More and more men and women are coming to me with complaints about the lack of sex or any enthusiasm for sexual variety in their relationships. While, it seems to be a running joke that once a man gets married, he should expect to not have sex any more, the fact is that when couples come in for low sexual...[ read more ]
The term “open relationship” refers to a relationship style that is consensually non-monogamous. There are different ways these relationships can work and fall on a spectrum of commitment levels. If the concept of open relationships is new to you, this will help you understand a bit more about the most common types including polyamory, swinging, and designer relationships. Our society...[ read more ]