The #1 Main Mistake People Make Transitioning from Monogamy to Open Relationships

The #1 Main Mistake People Make Transitioning from Monogamy to Open Relationships

As I work on my new course designed to help people who are wanting to transition from monogamy to open relationships, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the difference between those who succeed and those who fail. Making mistakes is part of the process, so I don’t define that as failure. Instead, I consider failure as an attempt to do so that creates a lot of pain, rather than fulfillment, which is usually why the couple wants to open the relationship to begin with.

What I found is that there appears to be one big mistake I see that causes this hurt, frustration, and failure. This failure can destroy the primary relationship, and that’s not the intention of opening it. Transitioning from a monogamy to a version of open, is a big event in your relationship, especially if you have been together for years. When we consider opening it, it is natural to want to jump right into the fun, exciting part – starting new sexual adventures, having new sexual partners, and having experiences we’ve only dreamed of. With that so close, we may feel like jumping right in – but, this is the BIGGEST mistake you can make.

Lack of understanding of the multiple issues you need to consider, and lack of preparation, is the most common reason for failure of transitioning into an open relationship. It is important to slow down and focus on the foundation of yaour primary relationship first. We need to revise, unravel and renegotiate the terms of our relationships. We need to do the same with our own minds – shifting in our heads how we think it will look and understanding that we will feel new emotions, and face new situations that we haven’t in the past.

The Need for Support

Often the complex changes have us looking for support, and our typical support system may not be a good fit. They may say the wrong things unintentionally, don’t know how to be supportive, don’t have anything helpful to offer because they haven’t been there, or they may not be supportive of the change at all.

Making the shift from monogamy to open is much like leaving a traditional 9-5 job, with a steady paycheck and benefits, and starting your own company from scratch. You certainly wouldn’t do that without some preparation, and if you didn’t get the right help quickly, you would fail, or at least struggle painfully, losing resources in the process.

Some people think that transitioning won’t be hard, and that they don’t need support, but this isn’t really the case. When I decided to write a book and do a training program, I didn’t really know how to do the technical, behind-the-scenes work, so I hired people to train, teach and guide me. It was a whole new world to go from seeing clients to promoting a book and online course. One of my coaches told me, “Take your time, learn the basics and be proud of what you put out there”.

In many ways, this is the same advice I give to you for opening your relationship. Yes, you want more fun, exciting, adventurous sex, but you also want to keep your relationship strong and healthy and even more vibrant that it was before. You want a relationship where everyone is happy and satisfied, and, you want one you are proud of. That IS possible!

So, if you are considering a change, get the help you need – read, learn from people who have done this, join the groups, find a coach – that resonates that can be a support and resource. If you think I may be of support, let’s chat and see if I am a good fit for you. Get training, put forth the energy, and take time to make this change successful. It’s worth it when you, and everyone you are involved with, is happy and satisfied.

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