Understanding New and Old Relationship Energy

As both a sex therapist and a person who is in an open marriage, I love to share reliable knowledge about the subjects that come up around open relationships. One of these topics is the concept of old and new relationship energy.

Open relationships allow us to enjoy the advantages of both types of energy, and they are both important to understand to successfully navigate consensual non-monogamy. Let’s start by defining them.

Defining Relationship Energy

New Relationship Energy, or NRE, is the exciting, exhilarating feeling of new relationships. It makes you feel good, confident, and can feel like falling in love.

Old Relationship Energy, or ORE, is the comfortable, safe feeling that is often associated with a long-term relationship. It’s the relationship with the person you want to curl up with at the end of a long day or week. It can feel like a security blanket, and could be where you turn for support and stability.

Both types of energy add wonderful value to our lives, but imbalance can hurt the dynamic, rather than create the richness we desire.

Imbalance in the Relationship

For some people, there can be imbalance in the new and old relationship energy as they put more value into one or the other. For example, one person may find themselves bouncing from one new relationship to another, because they enjoy the “high” of new relationship energy. They often don’t appreciate or value ORE as much, and risk losing it.

On the other hand, some may stick to the safety of old relationship energy because they don’t want to be hurt by the excitement that NRE can bring. This means that they may stay in relationships that aren’t healthy for them.

Both these extremes can be a problem, and in order to have the advantages of both energies, we must first discover that they are both beneficial and valuable. We are able to experience excitement, safety and comfort.

How to Benefit from Both Energies

One of the most common mistakes with NRE is that the person gets so excited by the new partner, they pour a ton of time and attention in it, do the detriment of the other relationship(s). This is risky because the existing partner, rather than being excited and supportive, they can feel abandoned and less important. This then can create a fertile breeding ground for jealousy and insecurity which can cause multiple problems.

When both energies are acknowledged and valued, however, it creates an atmosphere where all relationships can grow and flourish for all the positive aspects they bring to your life.

As you consider your options and how you may transition from monogamy to an open relationship style, or how to have a more successful open relationship, I hope to be a resource for you. If I can help, request a free consultation today at www.drrhoda.com.

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